


i know you say you hate me but i hope you take it back

by viscrael



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Trans Hinata, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3605058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscrael/pseuds/viscrael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly they’re spitting fire, teeth like knives, tongue barbed wire and cutting too deep, and then Hinata says it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i know you say you hate me but i hope you take it back

**Author's Note:**

> this fic isnt rlly centered arnd hinata being trans but its talked abt slightly at the beginning b/c i luv trans boy hinata ok 
> 
> also the title is misleading b/c they make up and also no1 says "i hate u"
> 
> double also its like midnight and im half asleep ill proofread this in the morning so pls forgive any mistakes u catch

There’s something bitter about the words that stick in Hinata’s mouth days after.

He’s not very good at staying mad at people. Hinata’s the kind of person to forgive and forget, for the most part; if someone messes up and shows remorse, he knows when to let it go, and he likes to think he knows when to not let it go.

When his mother uses the wrong pronouns, he’s easy to tell her it’s okay, try again, and she does, and he’s forgiven her. When someone runs into him and hurries to apologize, he smiles reassuringly and tells them they’re okay.

When someone calls him a girl after he’s told them not to, after he’s asked them not to, after he’s made it clear not to, he doesn’t let it go. When someone at his mother’s work tells her she’s not working hard enough, she should take better care of her “ _daughter_ ,” that’s why she hasn’t gotten promoted, he doesn’t let it go. Hinata knows when to forget and when to hold on.

And that’s not the issue, really. The issue is that he’s on the opposite side of the scenario now.

Hinata is not good at biting words. He’s not mean. He’s annoying, sure, he knows that—but he’d never intentionally hurt someone, and the insults he throws at Kageyama are nothing but observations, not necessarily meant to hurt him, just to state maybe, or so that he isn’t just sitting there while he gets insulted.

“You’re an asshole, Kageyama,” or “Why’re you calling me stupid, stupid?!” or any number of other things—these are normal. There is no venom behind them. Kageyama is an asshole. Hinata is stupid. They argue. They banter. At the end of the day, neither of them believes the insults they’ve exchanged. It’s not a big deal; they buy meat buns together and walk half way to Hinata’s house together before Kageyama splits off to his own home, and they don’t think anything about it.

They have an odd sort of balance; it’s chaotic, and it’s hectic, and it’s loud, and it’s outwardly aggressive. But they know when to stop, when to back down. They never pass the line they’ve got set up, never spoken of but there nonetheless.

Kageyama never bites out a comment about maybe if Hinata were a Real Boy he’d play better, maybe if Hinata wasn’t Built Differently he’d be the ace, maybe if Hinata wasn’t this or that. He never says it. As far as Hinata is aware, he never even thinks it. Kageyama isn’t the sort of guy to care about that stuff; to him, as long as Hinata helps him win it doesn’t matter. And Hinata is grateful, he really is, and he’s glad he can trust Kageyama to never cross that line. To never overstep those boundaries he’s silently put there.

So when Hinata crosses it first, it’s both unexpected and devastating.

It’s a stupid argument. They’re at Hinata’s house, dicking around while they’re attempting to finish homework (well, Kageyama is; Hinata’s balancing a pencil between his lip and his nose, very into it), when something sparks a little jab, a small remark, and too-sharp response. Kageyama had been sort of off all day, upset about something, and it had affected their practice, and Hinata’s on edge because of that too, and suddenly they’re spitting fire, teeth like knives, tongue barbed wire and cutting too deep and then Hinata says it.

_“King_.”

It only takes him two seconds before his shoulders drop, his eyes wide, having realized what he’d just said. They’d been…whatever it is they are for two years now, second years in high school. Kageyama is over the nightmares, over the looks he gets in tournaments, over the name. He had said once that he’s used to being called that, that it isn’t so bad anymore.

And then Hinata said it.

Immediately, he opens his mouth to apologize, eyebrows creased tightly together in regret, but Kageyama doesn’t say anything, doesn’t respond to anything; he shoves his things into his school bag haphazardly and all by flies out of Hinata’s house.

The redhead tries to follow him at first, but the look his mother gives him when she sees him hurriedly calling, “Wait, Kageyama!” after the boy who’s already out the door is enough to make him stop in his tracks. The slam of his front door sounds like a gunshot. He flinches as if it were one.

When his mom asks what that had been about, what happened, Hinata tells her they just got in a stupid fight, they would be over it soon, don’t worry, and then retreats to his room with the excuse of homework before she can interrogate him further. He flops face first on his duvet and pretends he hasn’t realized he’s crying.

He doesn’t text Kageyama that night. Kageyma doesn’t text him. It’s hard falling asleep.

 

\--

 

In the morning, he half considers faking being sick because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if Kageyama is still mad, if he hasn’t forgiven him, but he can’t bring himself to miss practice. He’d already had to stay out from being sick a few weeks ago. He couldn’t miss more.

But Hinata knows he messed up, badly. He knows he shouldn’t have crossed the proverbial line, knows he shouldn’t have opened his mouth in the first place. Knows he should’ve text him last night, should’ve texted him this morning, should’ve done something something _something_ to let the other know how sorry he is. (He really is sorry.)

He feels horrible. He goes to class with a stomachache.

 

\--

 

Practice is off at best. Kageyama hasn’t looked at him all day, didn’t meet at their normal spot for lunch, didn’t meet him in the hallway between class like they’d silently agreed on doing. The pair’s out of sync; Hinata can barely hit his tosses, and Noya asks after practice if they got in an argument. He wants to say yes, we did and it’s all my fault, he wants to spill his guts and blubber and cry into Noya-senpai’s shoulder because he messed up so bad and while Nishinoya isn’t exactly the kind of person he needs to talk to right now, it’s the best option, but he’d been planning to get Kageyama to talk to him after practice and if he wants to catch the other boy he won’t have time for that.

In the end, he shakes his head. “No, we’re fine, Noya-senpai,” he says instead of the million other things, before giving a polite smile and bouncing off to find Kageyama. The rest of the team has started trickling out, eager to be on their way home.

He’s not waiting for Hinata to walk with him, that’s for sure; in fact, when the redhead finds him, it looks like he was planning on going an entirely different way than they do normally. Hinata’s stomach turns when he realizes just how badly Kageyama doesn’t want to be around him. The corners of his eyes prick. He wills the prickling away.

“Kageyama!” he calls, and said boy flinches, his back still to him like he’d known this was coming even though he was trying so hard to avoid it.

Right as Kageyama has turned around, Hinata’s in his face, standing up on tiptoes so they’re closer to eye level, his fists near his chest like that’ll help him communicate what he wants to say. Before the dark-haired boy can even get a word out, Hinata’s blurting out a too loud and probably too enthusiastic, “I’m sorry!”

If him blinking, once, twice, three times, is any indicator, it seems that Kageyama hadn’t braced himself for Hinata to say that. “What?”

“I’m sorry!” Hinata repeats immediately. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t’ve called you that—you’re…” His tongue feels heavy all of the sudden. He wills himself to keep eye contacting; it’s important that Kageyama understands this. “You’re not like that anymore, you haven’t been for a long time, and I shouldn’t’ve even thought about saying that. I’m really sorry.”

There’s silence for a moment. Hinata looks away, gets back on the soles of his shoes, and takes an awkward step back, shuffling quietly. “So…do you think you can forgive me at all?”

Kageyama hits him upside the head. “Ow!” he makes to grab the injured spot instinctively, but before he can he’s been pushed into the other and his breath hitches.

“I told you I’m used to it by now,” he mumbles, pressing Hinata closer to him and wrapping his arms around the two of them like a big Kageyama cocoon.

“But you shouldn’t be. You’re not—“

“It’s not a big deal, I’ve already told you. I forgive you, God, calm down.”

Despite being glad that he’s forgiven, Hinata shakes his head against the taller’s shoulder. He tentatively wraps his arms around him to return the hug. “It _is_ a big deal,” he insists, words muffled in Kageyama’s shirt, smelling like sweat and musk and laundry detergent and soap. “It’s a big deal to me. You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

There’s a pressure against his head that he assumes is Kageyama leaning his chin on him. “Yeah. Okay.”

Hinata is the first to pull away, mostly because he can hear the scuffling of feet on dirt, and they manage to separate, looking innocent, just in time for a few first years to turn the corner, laughing and playing around.

They greet their senpais, giving them both the general “Why do you look like I just caught you with your hand in the cookie jar?” looks when they see the two fidgeting nervously, but other than that make no other indicator of noticing anything. It feels awfully cold without the heat of Kageyama’s body around him. He wishes he hadn’t pulled away, even if it would’ve ended up embarrassing. At least the moment wouldn’t’ve been ruined.

They end up walking home together, the normal route, and argue over who gets to pay for meat buns this time.

**Author's Note:**

> /slams my head thru a wall


End file.
